CNY

And... it's Chinese New Year! Time for visiting, time for gorging and gossiping. Please excuse my absence for a week or so. I'll be too upset after explaining to 8 aunties why am I still unmarried, still earning less than my cousin(s) and still prefer traveling (and job-hopping) than working in a stable 9-to-5 job.

Anyhoo... Gong Xi Fa Cai everyone!

Dog Dog-Dog Dog Chiang!

*piang piang piang* (sound effects of mercun)

appeal

I feel disturbed. My perfectly accessorised and ladylike colleague asked aloud why the client kept looking at me during our meeting this morning. She should be puzzled alright. With her porcelain skin, womanly scent and super-tight super-high-slit skirt, why would anyone even notice I exist? (this is stated matter-of-factly and not oozing with too much jealousy)

Unless, 2006 marks the beginning of a long-awaited era where:
(1) Flabby is the new slim.
(2) Ambiguously bisexual is the new rugged.

Or he could just be staring at the pre-menstrual big-ass zit on my forehead.

Nevertheless, a little attention from an attractively available (and rich) opposite sex does plenty good to the self-esteem (and takes my mind off the zit).

I hate Mondays. Especially when I sleep at 4am on Sunday. Because the zits will invade. And my radar will be kaput and not sense someone attractive signalling.

stoooopid

Someone please hit my head with a wok.

Because I am stupid.

Because this morning, I used a piece of dish-washing sponge to wash my car (I couldn't find the bloody car-washing sponge!)... and now my front hood is covered in scratches! Gaaaah! How could I be so effing moronic to think that the coarse scouring sponge is gentle enough for my delicate car skin? How could I? Gaaaaaah!

Sigh. But the scratches (albeit being quite minuscule) are in a nice, circular, undulating pattern. Hmmm. I didn't know I can draw freehand perfectly rounded circles! *think happy thoughts*

I'm such a can-draw-perfectly-rounded-circles-freehand idiot.

WHY do I have to insist on washing my own car? WHY couldn't I just sleep longer and send it to the petrol station for washing? WHY did some moron spill instant noodles on my car outside the office yesterday? WHY do bad things happen to me all at once?

*sulk*

zits on back

Fuck la. I have 2 zits the size of Mauna Loa on my back, within 10cm of each other. Never before had I been so poisonous. It hurts when I put on my shirt. It hurts when I laugh too hard and lean back on my chair. It hurts my finger and brain to know that the zits are there. Dammit! I've learned my lesson! I shan't feel any pity for an unused piece of soap found at the bottom of someone else's traveling trunk and bring it to my bathroom anymore in the future! Somebody please take my Mauna Loas off my back! (but if it involves painful squeezing of the pus followed by a satisfied sigh from the squeezor and muffled screams from the squeezee... then no thanks)

KC's brand new car of 3 days got broken into a while ago. Just outside the office. With people inside the office the time it happened. Fuck. What gave these daylight robbers such boldness? Alas, nobody saw who broke in the window. KC is a wreck. Lost the brand new working bag I got, lost an entire stack of client's working papers, lost the house keys (and mine too). I was VERY tempted to give KC the "I told you so" speech but refrained. I know how I hated it when people did that to me. But seriously, I did point out that a window alarm is necessary. Fucking stuck-up Nissan people say that their car windows won't break easily. The most damage would be a crack. But no, they won't break. YEAH RIGHT!

Feel like kicking someone at the little hollow behind the knee. Grrrrr...

farang chicken

At gramma's, I came to realise that being a chicken is quite tough. Damn political also.

Gossip gossip. Peck peck.
Notice how the chicken with SAME SKIN COLOUR only can eat at the same table.

Then the farang came.
And everyone had to flee and scatter.

Tsk tsk.

company lunch

I didn't know I could be sick of real good food. That or my digestion system is shot to the dumps.

The company lunch this year was at Sagano. It's easily the best Japanese buffet in town, but I couldn't eat! My stomache kept rejecting all the yummylicious chow, sending wrong signals to my brain that I was already full. How could I be full after 12 oysters?

Sure, I went to Lemon Garden a coupla times the past few months, and I just had Japanese a week ago... but my stomache used to be The Black Hole. It's insatiable. Dang. How am I suppose to win a pizza-eating contest now? *whine*

I always laugh at people who take fruits at a buffet. FRUITS? If you wanna watch your diet and have fruits rather than real food, stay at home! Why come to a buffet? It's people like you who encourage the hotel to waste real food space to make way for fruits!

Alas, they found their way to my table.

taiwan - beitou

Since Taiwan has hotsprings in many areas containing different health-promoting minerals, we tried two different places (Beitou in Taipei and Jiaoxi in Ilan). Beitou won hands down. So we altered the preplanned schedule just to come back to this same place for a second soak. The water is murky-white here, with a strong sulfuric aftersmell (volcanic?). And the clothes I wore after the soaking sessions still carry the smell, even after a few rounds of washing! Strong shit, this. I feel healthier already.

The room with its private tub so reminds me of Japan, right up to the pre-soak shower equipment. I couldn't quite get use to showering sitting down, so I bet them passer-bys had some fun looking in the window.

I could even watch the telly while enjoying a health-boosting soak! It took me a while though to get use to the sulfuric smell and not think about how lighting a match could explode the whole hotel.

Right below the window (opposite the hotel) is the public hotspring where you only need to pay a minimal fee for a half-day soaking session. Besides not willing to buy a swimsuit, I didn't want some old fart staring me at the face trying to guess if I'm an aboriginal woman or Vietnamese while stealing glances at my cleavage.

H-E-A-V-E-N-L-Y.

taiwan - nine tribes

Formosan Aboriginal Culture Village features the culture and lifestyle of the major nine tribes of aboriginals found in Taiwan. Not just your typical Mini Malaysia poorly built display homes with inhabitants poorly crafted from wood/clay/whatchamacallit collecting cobwebs, each tribe has its own huge area with structures and even real aboriginals demonstrating the tribe's unique craft/ability and hosting stage events to interact with the crowd. And it's not just about culture and all its boredom. This culture village comes with a theme park! With roller-coasters, scientific voyages and whatnots!


This part of the harvest dance received the most camera clicks and flashes. I suspect it has something to do with half-naked teenage boys and muscular butts.

It looked easy as peanuts when the virile aboriginal males swung ala Tarzan across the small divide, but 80% of the volunteers from the audience who went up fell splat into the water. In winter. Luckily they have blowdryers at the back of the stage for wet clothes and shoes.

They have 2 or 3 HUGE kickass performance areas like this one for the more important and exciting dances/shows. So nicely done, right?

Water features (not unlike those koi pond in temples) at some tribe's settlement. Can't remember which one, I was busy taking pictures yo.

I even managed to cajole an aboriginal canoe-builder (this shit is real, they use it for the harvest dance!) to snap one with me. His peace sign totally spoiled the whole aboriginal experience thingy-lah. But I'm impressed with his patience in carving and etching them nice curls and patterns on the side of the canoe.

I fed fish in trepidation. They're damn fat and aggressive okay. Any minute they could hop on to the rock I was squatting on and flap my face until I fall into the pond and they swarm around me and slowly tear my flesh apart. So pardon my fake smile. I was scaird.

Here's something that looked totally out of place. At the entrance to the culture village, they have this Victorian garden with marble statues and fountains and even a quaint train going round the huge garden/park. At the end of the path stands a majestic, castle-like restaurant serving Chinese food. Hmmm.

taiwan - sun moon lake

Sun Moon Lake in Nantou, Taiwan. The lake is so huge that it takes hours to drive around it. The surface reflects cheery sunlight as well as the cool moonlight, hence the name. We arrived too late at night to watch the sunset, and we woke up too late to witness sunrise. My bad. I didn't know that during winter, sunset is around 5pm and sunrise 5-6am.

The jetty in the morning. We were waiting for a tour boat to take us out to explore the lake. Breakfast was a rushed, simple affair as none of us could anticipate the condition of the boat and choppy lake waters. Nah. Lake's calm as a mirror.

Our boat made two stops at different mini-islands on the lake. This is the view from the pinnacle of the first island (with a temple to our back).

This is the second island which is 5 times tinier than the first. We were allowed to hop off the boat just to take pictures. There's no path to anywhere else. The stone-fountain-tree decoration in the middle is nice though.

taiwan - ching jing

The less-travelled natural gem of Taiwan - Ching-Jing. This is what Salem High Country ads are made of. This is where spirits soar and imagination takes flight. This is when words fail and noise cease to exist.

The entrance to the green wonderland. We didn't pay the entrance fee to venture inside because we didn't have enough time to walk about. And they don't have sheep-shavings on weekdays. So we walked along the outer rim. Which was equally captivating.

Resplendent sights like these make all the copywriting I did for our property clients melt into warm bullshit. Took all I had to make sure I was breathing (and it's not from the trek).

To ensure that I am not ripping these breath-taking stuff off the internet or someone else's webbie, this is yours truly. Amongst grazing cows. There were goats and sheep too, but taking pictures with them all would cause me giddiness.

Even our rooms looked ethereal in the morning sun. Perfect place to be if your ideal method of relaxation is to curl up on the 2-seater swing in front of the rooms with a nice hot cuppa chocolate and a good book. I don't mind 3-4 days here, just doing nothing and breathe in the view.

esprit

Behold. My Esprit loot for the year. Will attack Hong Kong for Guess next year.

metal eggs

Behold. Metal eggs. Flavorful.

going off

This is it. I'm leaving to the airport at noon tomorrow. Can't believe I'm still working my ass off when I still have to bind the itinerary into a nice handy booklet for my easy reference, pack for the 12 days, and buy disposable panties...

So much to do! So little time! I'm totally freaking out. I've managed to pack my medications last night and I feel like a drug smuggler with those little bags of pills and whatchamacallits. I hope nobody stops me to prod my ass for more.

Here I come, Taiwan! Sniffling and coughing and lamenting, but I'm coming! And if I don't post for 2 weeks, rejoice. If I start posting again in the next few days, feel my wrath! I musta been deported for succumbing to the merciless winter. And that ain't gonna be pretty.

... and if anyone comments about my eyebags in this picture... well... uhm... no metal eggs for you!

paddy

I've always enjoyed driving this stretch of road on the way home. The colour of the paddy field changes from season to season. Awesome!

I was taking this inside my brother's car cruising at the speed of 100km/h, just imagine if we'd parked at the side of the road and take pictures... what glorious picture would it be...

...of me being squashed by a 18-wheel truck at 110km/h most prolly.

why oh why

I'm having a full weekend ahead. Will be celebrating KC's birthday and our one-year anniversary on Saturday, then lunch with Jac and Daniel on Sunday before sending them off to a performance, and 4 days later I'll be flying off to Taiwan...

But I am feeling no joy nor exhilaration.
I don't believe this!

This time last year, all was quiet on the office front. Now... pah. I shalt not whine.

How come 12 days in Taiwan don't add up to a vacation? Let's see. Besides spending more than a month to surf the internet for information and plan the nitty gritty exquisite details for each and every day... I have to submit and resubmit the itinerary to the council for approval. Since the whole troop consists of 2 grannies, 4 adults and a 6-year-old... I have to avoid bus rides more than 3 hours, long walks, long exposure to the sun/cold etc. Planning was hell. Nevermind. Now that everything is planned down to the smallest detail, I can sit back and enjoy my well-earned vacation. Guess again. Who's gonna keep track of time? Who's gonna direct the troop to bus stations and train stops? Who's bringing everyone to find chow and loos?

Vacation my foot. What a crummy lose-lose situation. I pay full fare. I do full research and work. My brains must have been full of shit when I agreed to shoulder this responsibility. Fuck.

Right now I just want pummel anyone who comes within a metre radius of my cubicle with a hammer and shove the whole Taiwan planning folder up the 6-year-old mom's ass.

my humps

My Humps.

I can't get it out of my head! It's actually not a bad little song. Catchy lyrics. Boppy tune. It's no Crosby, Stills, Nash, Young, or even close, and it's got lyrics which could be good if not for the whole silly "lady lumps" thing. There are a couple of clever lyrical tricks actually.

"Milky milky cocoa puff" isn't one of them.

I don't want no drama though.

dragon red

I'm still in a daze. And a little star-struck, p'haps.

Natalie from Dragon Red called me this morning and asked me to replace her in Fear Factor Celebrity. Flattered as I am to have a real celebrity actually grace my phone with her ethereal voice (may you have thousands of beautiful grandchildren, Julian!)... I couldn't go! *whine*

I wanna eat worms. I wanna jump from a chopper. I wanna eat and strategise and sleep with celebrities and see them without their make-up.

But I gotta work.

Because I'm going off to Taiwan in 2 weeks and I have to settle all that I can before I go.

Bwaaaaaaaaaaah...

worn out

You know you're worn out when...

You wake up, realise you're late for work, and then you go back to sleep.

You traipse lazily to your car after checking all the locks, start the engine, and realise you forgot the bathroom light.

You come up with 3 excellent ideas for a pitch and as you present it to your boss it slowly dawns on you that you have been working on the wrong brief.

You drag yourself in front the book cabinet, then pause for 2 minutes trying to remember what you went there for.

You MSN Messenger for 10 minutes with someone and then suddenly it dawns on you that you're chatting with someone else with the same name.

You forget to zip your pants and never realise until you go for a second pee 3 hours later.

pengsan man

Went to the supermarket with my brother one fine day at our hometown and we saw this guy passed out dead on a busy walkway. Everyone ignored him. Even the security guard standing 10 metres away. I took a picture and walked off.

Harry Potter

Harry Potter is such a let down!!! *wail*

I think I've been waiting a tad too eagerly. With too much expectations. The only part I honestly enjoyed was Harry's half-naked bathtub scene in the prefect's bathroom. He looks so fiiiiine! I can't believe I'm ogling (and seriously turned on with his uneasy squirming and fidgeting) a minor. Someone slap handcuffs on me! Better yet, someone who's 14 with Harry Potter looks (and fab body... and bashful expression... oooh) slap handcuffs on me! *wail*

After the movie, I bumped into J. Lo. The Malaysian (duh) one. And his daughter's name won't gerroff my head. Kaya. Who names their daughter Kaya? Sure kena tease like nobody's business. Although the right pronunciation is "Kay-Ah". Ya lar, exotic lar.

Then went for supper with KC. And he ran over a cat (or a branch). It sounded like some twigs cracking and I didn't see anything. Fortunately. I didn't want to see. It could be still breathing. Chest heaving laboriously against its crushed ribs, blood oozing out in bubbles from its nostrils while its eyes stare dazedly into the dark. I felt nauseous. KC turned on the emergency lights and was moaning at the steering wheel. My voice was calm, however, when I asked KC to keep driving, there're cars behind our car. Curious. Slowing down. We parked, ordered, ate in silence.

"Somehow I know this will happen. Remember last night I almost hit a cat? And we were discussing about the 2 dogs you had as a girl and how they died?"
"I don't want to talk about this."

The mind is a strange thing. I will erase this incident from my memory. Like it never happened. It was just twigs. Yeah. Bloody idiots throwing branches into the middle of the road.