fucking sick

Last night I received damn disturbing news. Boy-Boy has gone missing since morning. Never happened before throughout the 13 years he stayed with the family. Calvin opened the gate for him when he wanted to clean the courtyard. Usually Boy-Boy would just wander around outside for a bit, then bound happily back into the courtyard again. Not yesterday.

20 minutes later and no sign of Boy-Boy, Calvin went on a search around the neighbourhood. Fruitless. Maybe he went home, Calvin thought. He headed home and stayed a while, waiting for Boy-Boy. Still no sign.

Calvin then went on a search again. What he found disturbed me more than any apparition or monster did, or could, I believe.

In a huge neighbourhood garbage bin, he found a dog's severed head. With all the fur yanked out. And the lower jaw torn off. And some smaller body parts.

WHAT SICK FUCK WOULD DO THIS KIND OF THING!!!!!!

I gagged and nearly vomitted when I heard about this. No animal deserves this kind of inhumane, sadistic, fucking freakingly SICK... end. If I know which fucker is the butcher, I'll... I'll... I don't even want to put into words what I'm going to do to him. FUCK.

I wanted to post a picture of Boy-Boy here, but my damn cellphone won't connect to the pc. Anyway, he's white. Looks like a huskie. Very friendly. Always smells a bit damp, and masculine. Likes to sit outside the living room door and watch what's going on inside. Loves fresh-out-of-the-fridge mandarin oranges.

Oh God I'm gonna cry again.
Oh God please don't let the butchered dog be Boy-Boy.
Please let him be found in the nearby pound or SPCA. Or someone's house.
Please let him die of old age. Dreaming happy dog dreams.
PLEASE.

vodka

I just had Manhattan Fish Market for dinner again! Two nights in a row. Can't help this weakness in me. Their baked dory is excellent! But I'm damn thirsty now, so the tastiness of their fish dish might be all artificial. Oh well.

Everyone, meet Vodka my goddaughter. Vodka, meet everyone. And stop staring at the handsome black-and-white he-bitch already. He ain't real. Actually, a lot of male species out there ain't real, but I'll lecture you when you're older.

Vodka likes to sleep like this. I wonder if her throat/neck hurts when she wakes up. Now Vodka's mummy's got her a nice big fluffy cushion to sleep on so it's much better.

Vodka and I sharing a moment of bonding and closeness. In silence. Just look at her sombre, deep-in-thought expression. Fwaaaah. Or it could be sleepiness, because...

...Vodka didn't wanna camwhore with me no more after a while.

weekend

The weekend was a flurry of activities. Ball-busting but totally enjoyable. Supper with the boys from Pathfinders (my ex-but-potential-current-band) Friday night. Spent the entire Saturday with Shummy. I was planning to get my car serviced in the afternoon but we were having too much fun to quit (oh I can just imagine homophobes raising eyebrows here). Payless Books Sale was good. The impulsive shopper inner child in me kicked in full gear and I bought 25 novels.

This is 2 years' worth of reading materials in the shitter for me.

On our way back to Shummy's shack, something very interesting happened. It rained cats and dogs. Not wanting to be caught wet and clinging to each other (from the cold, but wahahaha this is so fun) we made a split decision to stop by Amcorp Mall instead of going straight home. Then the rain stopped. And we decided to go home after all. Then it rained again. And we took another detour to get to Amcorp Mall again. Then the rain stopped.

Fuck me.

We went to Amcorp Mall anyway. And it was a good decision. Because it poured again while we're nice and cosy and cradling steaming mugs of Starbucks coffee witnessing the absurdly unpredictable (either that or it's got something against indecisive people with nothing to do on a Saturday) weather.

And I finally got to watch telly. Have almost forgotten how the dials and buttons work. Shummy's got an awesomely cosy TV den. So cosy I can forgive the piddling supply of goodies in the fridge. Good thing we got nangka and rootbeer earlier. And Project Runway.

Is this the end of Saturday? Nooooooo way hombre. An old high school friend called for supper with some other high school friends whom I haven't met since I was 17. The gathering was a bit stiff and formal initially, with chat topics mainly surrounding work, who's dating who, who got married... until I started my boob jokes and snarky comments... and everyone embraced me in guffaws and exclaimed how I haven't changed since 10 years ago. I'm popular again. *gloat*

THEN Brandon called and said he's on the way with Pinkpig to pick me up for our midnight singing session. Being the gracious hostess and proud citizen that I am, how can I refuse the chance to show a foreign visitor our culture and way of life? So we sang till 4 in the morning. And Pinkpig proved more entertaining and friendlier than I thought.

Spent the entire Sunday with Pinkpig and now I'm speaking Mandarin with a heavy Taiwanese accent. She's backpacked to the northern regions of Malaysia and will be back this weekend. I miss her already. Our snark levels are totally complementary and it's so much fun cornering innocent, soft-spoken Brandon into a stammering, spluttering wreck. Woo ha!

TGIF

Thank God it's Friday.

The fries that come with the burger there is waaaaaay better than Chilli's. And today's lunch is FREE! Wanted to go Ikano to renew road tax for my Lisa, but the bosses saw Shummy and I walking out and decided to join us. So my Lisa had her fill of two men inside her once again, after a long hiatus (since I disbanded myself from the band and chauffering the boys). I was damn glad she didn't creak and moan too loud, it'd be tres embarassing.

Lunch was good. Very entertaining. Very fulfilling. And it's FREE, thanks to Boss Juju. I don't usually interact with him much, Shummy's the writer who deals with him. And Papa Whale is such a joker-lah. Totally brightened up my day with his snarky remarks. Hush, you're gonna freak Boss Juju out with the blatant reference to my sexual preference yo!

I love my job.

drumstick

Met up with the ex after gym. She was done with dinner and looking through some documents. Wow, did you purposely leave the fried chicken thigh for me, I asked teasingly. Not really, but you can have it if you want, she replied.

And I did have it.

And I know she knows I like drumsticks. And I know she still loves me and doesn't know how to stop and it's killing her. And for a moment, I felt like crying.

Then the arguing started. Inevitably. And then she left in a huff, only to call and call and call to argue again at midnight. And I hung up on her after 2 hours. And switched off my phone.

I HATE hanging up. On people. And people doing that to me. And I feel like crying again.

RATS!

Motherfucker. My housemate asked me to come out from my room and help him chase a rat in the house out. All excited, I opened my room door and stepped outside to the dark staircase, and promptly... kicked the rat down the stairs.

I did scream a little. Out of shock mostly. I'm not scared of rats. Hmmph.

The rat was HUGE. With a thick long tail that grossed me out in a strangely interesting kinda way. And it clawed at my foot a bit when toes connected with soft furry stomache. I'm damn glad I didn't STEP on it, I am. Don't want no rat shit rat intestines just outside my door.

Hello, Rat? What the fuck were you thinking waiting outside my room? Trying to burrow your way inside and share my depression? Or roll about in my dirty laundry basket?

rock bottom

I've hit rock bottom.

You are emotionally torturing me. I know I'm irresponsible and manipulative. I know I fucked up our relationship. I know I cannot keep using the excuse of my fucked up childhood experience to run away from problems. I know I'm confused as fuck right now and I'll try my darndest not to fuck up other people's lives. But you don't have to force these on me 3 times a week. It's been more than 4 months. I know I can never make up to you for all that you've done for me, that I will owe you for the rest of my life. My self-worth has diminished to the size of the smallest paramecium.

I smile when I'm angry.
I cheat and I lie.
I do just about anything to get by.
Yes you have succeeded. I hate myself.

And when I don't even like myself, nobody else does.
Nobody.

damien rice

there's still a little bit of your song in my ear
there's still a little bit of your words i long to hear
you step a little closer to me
so close that i can't see what's going on

stones taught me to fly
love, it taught me to lie
life taught me to die
so it's not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball
stones taught me to fly
and love taught me to cry
so come on courage
teach me to be shy
'coz it's not hard to fall
and i don't wanna scare her
it's not hard to fall
and i don't wanna lose
it's not hard to grow
when you know that you just don't know

I love Damien Rice. I love Cannonball. Makes me wanna cry every fucking time I listen to it. Fuck the late-night latte and drifting into fitful naps for 2 hours before coming into work. Fuck this torturous yearning.

starbucks

Dammit. I so shouldn't have tried the Pumpkin Spice Latte at Starbucks at 10pm. Now it's almost 4am and I'm as awake as... well... awake. I'm gonna be so dead at work tomorrow. Sigh.

Angst-ridden unrequited love.
Face I want to see in the morning.
Lips I want to kiss into the night.
Subtle nonchalant despairing rejection?
Buttons zips clasps I want to undo.
Skin I want to trail fingertips.
Obsession obsession obsession obsession.
I'm drowning.

This whirlpool of mixed emotions and yearning sure doesn't help.

bangkok

They say the ad industry in Thailand is very fun. Judging by the video clips of some ads, I must agree. Everything ad-related in Bangkok impressed me. And this leads us to a mini-walkthrough of my Bangkok trip with the ex a month ago.

I really like how they advertise all over shopping malls. I wanted to take more pictures but there were security guards on every floor of every major shopping complex that patrol and shoot anyone who takes pictures.

Cannot imagine any of our local language schools doing this.

Thais were celebrating Mother's Day when we were there. I was initially baffled, because, Mother's Day is supposed to be somewhere in May all over the world, right? Then a cabbie told us it's the birthday of their Queen Mother. Everyone wore a yellow t-shirt with an emblem (no idea what it said) for the occassion. Wow. I don't even know the name of our Queen Mother.

Fireworks display at night for the Queen Mother. And because the area we stayed at is very near to the Grand Palace, we didn't need to watch it from the telly. What can I say. Khao San and Rambuttri Road rock.

The only drawback of staying in Khao San area is the transportation. There're no BTS or MRT station, and I have no clue where the bus stop is. BUT there's a very cheap, fast and convenient (fairly) alternative - boats. They're punctual, never get stuck in traffic jams, and the view is really nice if you don't focus on the colour of the water.

I admit, waiting 20 minutes for the boat was quite boring. Okay, VERY boring. But one can always read a little, or stare at the murky water and look out for floating dead dogs. Or space out like me and think about what to have for dinner.

But the view (and occassional faceful of Chao Phraya water) from the boat is worth it.

Really. Travel during sunset (think the last boat to Khao San is around 7) and see all the 1200baht-dinner-cruise-package highlights for free!

I love Rambuttri Road. We stayed at Lamphu House, and once you leave the guest house you see rows of eateries like this. Food's not too shabby. GREAT crowd and ambience. Backpackers from all over the world, chilling and chatting, watching telly, reading... I felt very... belonged.

Even Jack Sparrow loves to hang around Khao San area.

Likewise for Grasshopper, Maggot and all kinda insects. Maggots taste milky!

Talking about food, there are several one musn't miss or prepare to be humiliated and ridiculed upon relaying Bangkok tales to friends and family. First is the vibrantly different versions of Thai salad. You can have it with squid...

... or salty crab (thanks a lot, Feef, for telling me the crabs are there for taste and not to be eaten after I damn near broke my teeth trying to chew through the innocently-looking-very-similar-to-but-not softshell crabs)...

... or real crabs with glass noodles.

Another must-try is the mango with sticky rice. Sinfully sweet fresh mango slices coupled with sticky rice damp and slightly salty from thick rich coconut milk... so nice can die. And I'm addicted to sticky rice. No wonder Thais eat sticky rice more than steamed rice. Totally wrecked havoc to my digestive system but don't care.

I enjoyed the fried egg with oysters too. Not as sticky compared to Taiwan-made ones. But what's with the beansprouts man. Almost every dish of Thai food overflows with beansprouts. Under food. On top of food. Beside food.

I don't like beansprouts-lah.