I've hit rock bottom.
You are emotionally torturing me. I know I'm irresponsible and manipulative. I know I fucked up our relationship. I know I cannot keep using the excuse of my fucked up childhood experience to run away from problems. I know I'm confused as fuck right now and I'll try my darndest not to fuck up other people's lives. But you don't have to force these on me 3 times a week. It's been more than 4 months. I know I can never make up to you for all that you've done for me, that I will owe you for the rest of my life. My self-worth has diminished to the size of the smallest paramecium.
I smile when I'm angry.
I cheat and I lie.
I do just about anything to get by.
Yes you have succeeded. I hate myself.
And when I don't even like myself, nobody else does.
Nobody.
You are emotionally torturing me. I know I'm irresponsible and manipulative. I know I fucked up our relationship. I know I cannot keep using the excuse of my fucked up childhood experience to run away from problems. I know I'm confused as fuck right now and I'll try my darndest not to fuck up other people's lives. But you don't have to force these on me 3 times a week. It's been more than 4 months. I know I can never make up to you for all that you've done for me, that I will owe you for the rest of my life. My self-worth has diminished to the size of the smallest paramecium.
I smile when I'm angry.
I cheat and I lie.
I do just about anything to get by.
Yes you have succeeded. I hate myself.
And when I don't even like myself, nobody else does.
Nobody.
2 comments:
Let's backpack to Europe and jump from Eiffel Towel.
Paradoxically, can you love yourself too much? How much should you love?
a) Our self and our significant half?
b) How much is enough just to keep our spirit going?
c) How much is enough to nurture the love?
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