stress

Stress. You know you have hit a new high when you walk down from level 4 of the carpark, ready to walk across to the office separated by a heavy blanket of rain, only to realise the umbrella you thought you were holding... was actually a box of tissue.

What the fuck indeed. 10 more days!

cosmetic surgeon

Met a friend of a friend who's a cosmetic surgeon. No Christian Troy, but he sure knows how to take care of his appearance. Not sure about his marketing skills though.

"You know, Jess, you actually have the potential to be really beautiful!"

"Uh huh, I bet you say that to every woman you talk to."

"No, really. You only need VERY minimal pick-me-ups compared to many others."

"You just need to make your face sharper, nose smaller, eyebrows higher, double eyelids more prominent, eye bags disappear and lips fuller!"

"......"

Kids, be very, very careful what you choose as your internet nickname. You might just become it.

pirates

So we got free tickets to Pirates. The show's good, Simon and I spotted and bitched about many "celebrity" bloggers who were present, met up with some people we know from the same industry... but somehow it just wasn't enjoyable.

Why #1? Aggy got the shits. She left halfway through the show and didn't return after 15 minutes. Nobody else seemed too concerned so my maternal instincts kicked in and convinced myself that she's fainted in the loo. However much I hate to be interrupted during a movie, I got up and fumbled all the way up to the back to the cinema (nevermind we're seated third row from the front) and shouted her name in the loo. No reply. Many occupied cubicles though. Ah dammit. Should I kick down the doors? Knock first? How?! Then I positioned myself as the imaginary poo-ing person in the cubicle. Wah, very malufying to be knocked on...

So anyway... >>fast forward>> I decided to take a walk outside to see if she's there, or ask the guard if he's seen her... when she came up the escalator, from the mall. Hmmm. Apparently she christened the loo on every floor of the mall with her... condition!

I think Why #2 is far worse. Being an event for ad agencies to get together, it's only courteous to mingle around (read: ogle at other agencies' sizzling hot scantily clad AEs) a bit and horror upon horror, people started asking for our namecards! Good Lord is that legal? The act of exchanging namecards surely cannot be proper and polite? How can it be, when the employees of our company don't even get one after working for 3 years? Certainly our bosses won't do this to us! Well, Aggy, Yap and I have just been with the agency for a year... our presence is barely felt, like disposable underwear. Why couldn't people just leave us alone to wallow in our gloominess without rubbing salt to the wound? I bet Roy feels even worse, being with the company for 3 years now and not being acknowledged as an employee even.

This sucks. Oh well... ONE MORE WEEK!

Thank goodness Inmagine gave us good goodie bags. Hurrah!

spontaneity

During the weekend I decided to take a spontaneous drive back to the hometown. I need to make space in the room to see what are the stuff I need to pack to the UK, send to the new apartment, give away or keep at the parents'. I enjoy my solitary long drives once in a while.

I started the 195km drive late afternoon. The journey saw me driving from urban landscapes (and also balancing the camera on the steering wheel while keeping an eye on the road)...

... to rural roads with panoramic paddy fields, oil palm plantations and plenty fantastic views the camera (and my dangerous driving) couldn't capture.

It felt good to be in familiar territory again. Although, familiar isn't the right description. So much have changed since I left 10 years ago. I don't know anyone off the street whom I can wave and smile to anymore. Even the kids who climb the huge tree in front of my house look at me warily. I helped to build the first tree house there, you young punks. Although, there's nothing left on the tree but a rotting plank now.

I started the drive back to the city earlier. Hence the blue skies and fluffy clouds. Damn heat gave me an earth-shattering headache that lasted for 2 days, though.

Tiring weekend but I started work on Monday with a smile.

Yesterday Boss Man #1 gave the studio 6 free tickets to Pirates (courtesy of a supplier). This morning Boss Man #2 screamed at everything and everyone and threatened to close down the company. The air smells like simmering anger, sighs of resignation and I-don't-give-a-fuck-anymore-ness. Not exactly chirpy, morally uplifting times.

If more than 10 years of experience give strength and consistency, why do I feel like I'm walking into a house of cards every morning? If the established culture and system has worked and can work for a long time to come, why do most feel unmotivated and unappreciated?

Solid foundation. Sound experience. Bosses who're not suing each other. What's wrong with the picture?

Change. Everyone is afraid of the big word. Try to avoid it. But little by little, it seeps in. With every new employee. With every old one that leaves. Still we numb ourselves and plough on day after day, taking cautious little steps to not upset the balance that requires Change to join the game. Because, let's face it. Change is a cunning motherfucker that could work just about any way. She's so unpredictable, so unsafe, so... daring. Nobody likes to play with Change, she is like the hi-so butterfly that everyone discusses and secretly yearns to follow but in real life, seldom does.

Change is my middle name. Often guised under other names like Curiosity, Adventurousness, Irresponsibility et cetera. With Change, time passes slower, every sensation more exquisite, every face more interesting.

Maybe, one day I'll divorce Change and settle like everyone else. Maybe. Right now I’m still boarding the plane. Nevermind I'm scared and worried like hell.

Hello again, Change.

birthday week

And so it is... (*swoon* Damien Rice)

My 28th birthday week came and went. A whole week of unadulterated pleasure and fulfilling of desires without inhibition. After a month of eating at the right time/amount, exercising at the right frequency, getting stuck with needles at the right places... I let everything go and just ate. And ate. And scoffed at exercise. Or being extra-conscious about health. (just heard from a friend I can pay for preventive jabs that last up to a year for flu and other common ailments)

Had dimsum with mum, brother and his girlfriend when mum came up for a visit. Food kinda sucked but it's been a long time since we've sat down to eat together, so it was good.

Had my favourite kimchi hotpot with rice with my favourite college friends, and although that was the third time in a row the same week I've been having that, it was good.

Thank you, my beautiful colleagues. For insisting to have Korean barbeque with me on my real birthday, even though we're all tired and worked late and only had an hour to gobble down food. You guys are the best colleagues one can ask for, seriously. You guys are the only thing I will miss when I leave the company. Our friendship will be the only thing I have from here, because I don't even have a namecard after one whole year of service and nobody's gonna believe I was an employee here before. I hope you do, in your memory.

Had our favourite bottomless drinks at Chilli's with the bandboys. Although there were hiccups over transport arrangements and timing, it's been a while since I last saw you guys and it'll be a while before we see each other again after I'm gone (if I don't get deported before setting foot into London, that is... *shudder*) but before I say my proper mushy tearful goodbyes and all...

... Estranged is playing at Laundry tomorrow night! Let's GO wei!

on tattoos

Aragon asked my opinion on the dragonfly tattoo she's going to get. And I realised she could be the fifth person I send to Borneo Ink (I should start asking for commission from Eddie and Simon), and out of the five, four are Christians. Have I been leading the flock astray?

Many Christians quote Leviticus 19:28 as support that Christians should never get a tattoo. Hello?! The laws in the book of Leviticus, from what I understand, were meant to keep the Israelites healthy and holy. Then Jesus came and our saving grace is through His humanity and death. Hence a New Law, New Covenant and New Testament. No, I'm not manipulating the fact that His sacrifice will cover whatever sins we're to commit (I know there's still Paul's tricky Romans 14:20-21). But from my tattoos I've managed to discuss my faith with more people, usually with the initial "I thought Christians aren't supposed to have tattoos or pierced ears!" which is an awesomely easy starting point.

Did my tattoos make me succumb to Satan's wiles? I don't think so. My vile ways aren't the tattoos' doings. The ink under my skin actually increased my ability to witness to others (not to mention increased convenience to recover torn limbs if my plane crashes). Now, it's working harder on the staying obedient part so tattoo parlours don't get torched by angry parents/church leaders. Jesus loves everyone, including the tattoo artist, pub owner and pirated DVD seller ya. Take a chill pill.

Do I regret my body art? Hell no.
MAN LOOKS AT THE OUTSIDE. GOD LOOKS AT THE HEART.
I don't question someone's motive for getting inked. That's between the individual and his/her God. So the next time *you* want to point your finger at whatever I'm not doing right with the precious young 'uns whom you think I'm influencing, maybe you should get a tattoo as well, and take my burden from being a shining example for them (under microscopic scrutiny nonetheless) off. They might think you're cooler and hang out with you instead. Yay.