Damn the connection

Effing Hades. Damn connection is so bad I can't even change my blog template. And I thought my office's dial-up is crap. Have lost whatever remnants of conscious excitement for the day to write. However, received some interesting emails from the SB sistahs which made me laugh out loud at the office. Like how Ange went and bought herself a chilli padi plant to decorate her balcony. Fudging queer! Forgive me, Ange, I know I promised not to reveal anything about you here but this is simply too good to pass up. Here's the excerp:

"Jess: Damn fucking funny email...my gosh...can come and entertain me in Singapore during Christmas? You and E/E and fuck in the extra room and if she is bad, I have chilli padi plant ready for punishment!!!!"

Well, first of all, beloved, I'm usually pretty much stuck where I am during Christmas. Lots to take care of, the works. 'Sides, people flock to Singapore like birds flying south for winter. If you think I am wagging my tail (whatever) in anticipation to be stuck in hellish hot weather for 3 hours on the connecting bridge then you are very, very wrong. And if there is gonna be any hot action at all, I'd rather it be you than E/E. After all, we did... you know... ok, ok, not telling without your permission. HJ is still whopping his head to the wall for missing that. Damn I can still remember the white thong you had on. And also the scary image of happily-shitfaced E/E's bare ass and uhh... Val licking her you-know-what... Oh I can just visualize HJ whopping the wall even harder now. LCL stayed out of all the fun because she had constipation. Sometimes I have no effing idea how I can remember these stupidest details.

Great. Now everyone will think we had ourselves an orgy. We didn't. It was a girls' night out with us playing cards and laughing and bitch-slapping our kidneys with vodka. Oh, and a worried boyfriend (LCL's) who tagged along and got locked into the bathroom on numerous occassions when things had to be censored.

Back to Ange's email. How on earth do I render punishments with the damn chilli padi plant? Smash it into paste and smear it on E/E's arms and ask her to stand under the sun?

And if you SB sistahs think I should be a columnist (and I'm not collecting shoes like Carrie!) then start reading me already, lazy bitches.