Hannah #1

She became Hannah 12 years ago. In a small, noisy church in a small town. The pastor who seemed to know her every secret thought albeit having met her for just a few minutes smiled at her and said, "You should be named Hannah, like in the Bible." And so she was.

Hannah grew up to be a girl who talks very loud, laughs louder and dreams the most. And she fell in love. Or rather, got involved in a lot of relationships in search of love. And then she met Jien. He is young but wise. Laidback but thoughtful. Affectionate but impenetrable. Innocent but witty. Because of these unique combinations of qualities, she fell hard. And she gave him more attention, more affection and more expectations than any of those before him. She wanted to make up for the lies, manipulation and hurt she created or received from her previous relationships to turn this one into the flawless, perfect, most beautiful love story ever known to man.

She got busy. With work to build a secure future, with dreams and plans, with activities to spend time together doing. Maybe she was too busy to see that Jien was suffocating and becoming more and more distant. Maybe she noticed but pretended not to. Because she was doing her best but somehow it wasn't working the way she wanted it and she doesn't know what else to do. Age, timing, family... Everything worked against her efforts. So she lost Jien. She was devastated. But on the outside, Hannah still appeared to be her usual cheerful, happy-go-lucky self. She didn't want any sympathy.

"You can cry if you want to, you know."
Gene said that in his car on the way home from a movie. As soon as he got her message saying that Jien broke up with her, he rushed back from work and dragged her out for dinner and a movie to take her mind off the agony.

"No, I'm okay." Hannah squeezed a smile.
When Gene put his hands around her and gently pulled her towards him, she sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder. Inhaling his familiar scent and overwhelmed by a sense of gratefulness, Hannah's sobs inevitably turned into wails and hiccups. And Gene drove on in calm silence, one hand patting her shoulder. That was the most intimate moment they shared ever since they knew each other 4 years ago.

"I can't believe you just stormed out of your office just like that." Gene said after Hannah's watery display subsided. He chuckled. She laughed. Sniffled.
"How do you expect me to work after I saw his break up email?"
"That jerk. He didn't even have the guts to call and break the news?"
"Ah, it's just as well. I wouldn't know how to react in front of my colleagues if he did call."
"Don't worry. You deserve someone better. He'll come along soon enough."

Sometimes Hannah wondered why she never allowed their friendship to develop into something deeper. Wherever, whenever, whatever, Gene has always been within reach. Always alert to her needs, always pampering her with her whims and fancies. When she traveled, Gene would call frequently to check if she's safe. When he's abroad, he would call from a phone booth in the middle of winter just to hear her voice. His intentions and affection for her had been apparent from Day One. Once a year, in a casual tone, Gene would ask if she's ready for a relationship with him. And her answer had always been negative. She is searching for True Love. And Gene was, well, just someone who'll always be there. To pick her up from her falls. To laugh at all her jokes and antiques. To let her just be herself.

Today, Hannah had lunch with Gene. They haven't met for quite some time. They're busy, working people now. And things have changed.
"I saw Jien in town."
"Mm, really. You still have feelings for him?" Gene chuckled.
"I don't know. This is confusing. Can I go bake cookies at your house later?"
"Can't. I'm working. And I'll be at my girlfriend's for a few days."

Things have changed indeed. Part of Hannah feels happy for Gene who has finally gotten over his feelings for her, but another part of her feels forlorn and jealous. Has she foolishly denied herself of the affections of a guy who is now making another woman feel like the queen of the world? Has she been searching too hard for the perfect love that she couldn't notice something so natural, so ordinary, so necessary like the air she breathes right in front of her? Is she in love with Jien? Or is she in love with the Jien she imagined, memories they shared, and the future that could be theirs if they are still together?

Is love a myth?