jokes

Here, here. Some awfully funny stuff I found on the www to pacify hurt feelings.
Stop shaking your head and clucking your tongue at me.
Maybe I'll wave at you next time using more than one finger.

Actual excuse notes school teachers have received:
(1) My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.
(2) Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.
(3) Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.
(4) John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
(5) Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.
(6) Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.
(7) Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.
(8) Please excuse Tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea and his boots leak.
(9) Irving was absent yesterday because he missed his bust.
(10) Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.
(11) Sally won't be in school a week from Friday. We have to attend her funeral.
(12) Please excuse Jason for being absent yesterday. He had a cold and could not breed well.
(13) Please excuse Mary for being absent yesterday. She was in bed with gramps.
(14) Gloria was absent yesterday as she was having a gangover.