amsterdam

What is Amsterdam without the canals? Better quality pictures coming up, I promise... blame it on the weather.

What is Amsterdam without the museums? Thank goodness for Museumkaart which is a one-off payment all-access card to over 100 museums in the Netherlands. Very handy indeed on a rainy day with nowhere to go and nothing in the cinema to see. The museum featured here is the Stedelijk Amsterdam, but it's under renovation till 2009.

What is Amsterdam without the tulips? Alas, the only tulips I get to see this trip, are these. Bulbs. Because the effing 77-acre Keukenhof Gardens with 7 million flowers is only open in spring. And I didn't know! *bash self over head* Just think about all the luvverly pikchas I could've taken, frolicking amongst petals and butterflies and sneezing non-stop!

What is Amsterdam without the red light district? Thank goodness this highlight of my trip didn't disappoint. Proud rainbow flags. Suggestive shop names and even more lewd display items. Drool-inducing scantily-clad girls dancing in display windows to music only they can hear.

Why is it located so close to Chinatown, though?

What is Amsterdam without the Ogress? Probably a better place. Where river ducks don't get terrorised, dancing girls don't get upset with camera trying to capture them, museum guards don't need to say "no cameras!" one more time...

Too bad-lah. I came, I saw, and I didn't smoke weed or eat mushrooms.

More pictures (not really a lot, because it was museum-ing all the way, kan) here.

cockring

Who needs a wedding ring when you can have this baby for some serious lovin'?

I'm back in London, ladies and gentlemen. I need more time to regain my bearings and sob on my pillow that my holiday is over. Be patient. Pictures will be up shortly.

eindhoven

Stansted Airport. I missed my bus to the airport (but managed to catch the next one) so ended up with no extra time to find nice angles to shoot nice pictures from. Took this after clearing a clear vision line between the legs of Dutch giants (yes, they're really tall) while waiting for boarding.

Nice church I saw while walking to Peter's. I don't understand what's the statue of a pile of intestines doing in front though. From this angle it looks like turd, even. *looks around warily for lightning*

The Netherlands is an hour ahead of London, so we get one more hour of sunshine. Yay for the solar-powered Jess! But their drinks come in the tiniest bottles imaginable. This is certainly the first time I lay eyes upon a 0.2L Coke Light. This street is the happening place in Eindhoven, and true enough, I see people (and one really fat dog)!

Ate at a Mexican restaurant. The burritos here are hee-yuuuuge. Took me damn near 2 hours to finish mine. Plenty yum though. Makes me miss Chilli's back in KL!

Okay have to go unpack and repack again. Hitting Amsterdam and Zeeland (yay beaches) the next 4 days. Keeping fingers crossed the weather would be good like the past 2 days have been.

monday

Monday. Got sick of writing and sending out CVs so I made pancakes for Mark who's talking away on the phone out in the garden. His expression of dawned understanding when I stood beside him, barefoot on the grass, with a plate of pancakes with honey and blackcurrant preserves in one hand and coffee in another... was priceless. Apparently I've just given him a lethal combined dosage of two of his favourite-est chow in the world. Chuckling and breathless from a big swirly hug, I went back inside to do the dishes. 3 minutes later I heard a loud "YUMMMMMMIEEEEE" and turned to see him whoop and war-dance holler on the grass.

Mark doesn't have to know that the pancake mix is past its expiry date.

Anyway, weather was superb so I took the tube down to Camden for a round of photography. Was hoping to catch a gig too, but alas, it's Monday (aka DEAD) night and nothing much was going on. Explored around Camden and discovered some nice spots, though... check out the rest in my Multiply.

I'm flying off to the Netherlands later. 10 days of tulips, decorative clogs, legalised drugs and tallest people in Europe. And my bankruptcy.

wild wild wes

Met up with Wes in Central on Saturday. Initial plan was to hit British Museum and Madame Tussaud's... but both choices were showered with huge meteorites of glitches. Most life-threatening one being Bel's precious camera blinking a "memory card error" when I first brandished it on that fine, sunny morning to take a picture outside British Museum.

Wah, talk about the rush of blood leaving my head. I couldn't believe how fucking jinxed I was (am?) when it comes to camera. My own camera died on the third day I got into London. And now her (more expensive) baby? NooOOOoooOOoOo!

So yeah. British Museum was me trudging sullenly behind Wes trying not to let my anxiety mar our day out. Could it be the memory card? Oh please let it be the memory card I cannot afford to replace her camera! We saw mummies and skeletal remains from Egypt. We saw bits and pieces of the Parthenon. Where can I find a Tesco to buy a cheap memory card and test it on the camera? I'm sure Tesco sells SD-cards. Wes and I grumbled when we couldn't find any prehistoric stuff. Apparently those are at another museum. Wes took some really interesting shots, but pictures would have to wait until he sends them over.

After British Museum (and a hearty lunch outside the museum with me having my first taste of breaded whitebait, fish & chips, Boston pie, bread & custard pudding and cranberry Snapple - thanks Wes, for officiating my pigginess) we finally found a SD-card in Argos and voila! It's not the camera after all! *phew* Maybe I killed the original card by inserting it into my lappy the night before to transfer pictures. Aiyaaaaa.

Proceeded to Baker Street for Madame Tussaud's. The tube station walls are peppered with weird colourful tiles like these. Upon closer inspection, I realised that they were...

"Baker Street is where Sherlock Holmes used to reside," Wes said nonchalantly.

I would've deduced so if given more time. Honest. How come I didn't know about this? I thought I read some Sherlock Holmes back in primary school. And there's an episode in CSI about the man, right? Grrrr. Spending one whole day with a Singaporean made me more kiasu than usual.

Finally arrived at Madame Tussaud's, but... we gave up upon seeing the crowd. Not a good idea to come on a weekend. Even if we manage to not pass out from queuing up with 50 rowdy schoolchildren and 35 loud parents dishing out threats to said schoolchildren, we wouldn't have a chance to get good pictures in there. So in the end we decided to...

London Day Trip

Bel wanted to go into Central to look for jobs in bookstores. I needed to get a book for my airport reading pleasure next week, find out how to take a bus into Central London from my area (actually it's from Bel's area, there's just no direct bus from my place), and also try out my new, lovingly borrowed camera (I love you long time, Bel!) for my Netherlands trip.

Bel's Canon semi-pro kicks my Olympus point-and-shoot's puny ass. So many buttons to push, levers to control, and instructions to remember. My fingers are crossed to the verge of bones breaking out of skin - please don't let this camera die on me. I need my holidaying pictures. And I'm too broke to buy a replacement if anything should happen to Bel's. Think positive think positive.

So we hit the most touristy part of town: Leicester Square and Trafalgar Square. I'm damn happy because I finally bought a nailclipper (you have no idea how difficult it is for me to find this in London! And I'm a bit sick of biting nails to keep them short - tummy worms are making bulging tummy bulgier!) and also... Stephen King's latest book! At half price from Waterstone's!

I now have sunshine, new camera, new nailclipper, and a new book from my favouritest author. Life is good. Oooooh there're plenty more pictures I took from new camera in my Multiply.

electropop

There you go: chips with curry sauce. I know a lot of you have been asking me what's this funny-name concoction, so here it is in full pictorial glory. British chips aren't American chips (sliced potato crisps like Pringles), but they're not fries or wedges either. Usually eaten with curry/barbeque/sweet and sour/satay sauce, or sore finger.

Note: Anyone who can decipher what's sore finger will get him/herself a pint of Ben & Jerry's of his/her choice. Hint: Put yourself in shoes and think with the English of a Chinese Chinese takeaway person. Took me days to figure it out. (yeah well selling flied lice ain't my lifelong ambition okay)

Anyway I'm officially addicted to the annoying British chips with curry sauce, eating a box of them every shift (thank God I work 2 nights a week) and turning a deaf ear to chef's warning of expanding buttocks and combusting weighing scales. I blame the curry sauce. A bastardisation of the authentic curry, but imagine a rich, thick yellow gravy brewed to smooth perfection using apples, oranges (beats me, too) and other weird secret ingredients... it's the yummm-ness.

And since we're on the topic of being British-ified, I have to raise my hand and admit another addiction... something I've scoffed at prior to getting ready for London life - electropop. Having sworn off music with synthesizers since I came off the NKOTB and Guys Next Door fever 15 years ago... I'm getting sucked right into the belly of the techno trippy boppy whale again. Alongside plankton and dead fish hurled my direction from my R&B-only clubbing gang.

I introduced Dragonette to Boo before I fled the country and she liked their music too. Yeah that's right, throw the squids and crustaceans at her! She's in KL, nearer! I mean, what's there not to like? Bright and loaded with the happiest catchy beats, very very danceable-to. And diabetes-inducing honey gravy vocals from Martina Sorbara - I can imagine myself plotting her mysterious disappearance and taking over. Not sure if anyone'd wanna Youtube the MV of the songs then, though. Favourite track from the album Galore: I Get Around.

Before my brains recover from reeling with happy boppiness and decaying seafood, they discovered Faithless. Of all the 4 names I'm discussing today, I must say Faithless has the most diverse sounds within an album. From subdued techno-beats to ambient lounge-beats and even pop, everyone can find his/her own favourite song from To All New Arrivals. Get ready for one helluva psychedelic technicolour ride. Favourite track: Bombs. Interesting find: The female vocals in Last This Day sounded too similar to Dido for comfort so I Wikipediaed and by golly, she's the sister of Faithless's headman and one song from each of their albums featured her. Now that's what I call family.

Si introduced me to Fischerspooner and The Faint. Heard the former in his car heading towards Ikea and let me tell you, Odyssey is meant for just that. Lazy Sunday afternoon drives with no particular destination. The hypnotic, soothing, almost-conversational vocals will make skies bluer, clouds puffier and minds emptier. (still aware of traffic, of course) Their music reminds me of my ex-happysong, Tracking Treasure Down by Gabriel & Dresden. I like songs I can clap along to! Favourite track: hmmmmm this is a tough one. What can I say, this is my favourite album of all.

The Faint has a rock edge to their music. Must be because they're from the States. Whoever heard of American electropop, eh? Very generous use of the synths in Danse Macabre (didn't Stephen King have a book with this title?), catchy tunes and beats but you probably wouldn't wanna listen to them after midnight when your next-door neighbour is a cranky 75-year-old Greek lady. I'd feature The Faint in a futuristic battle-of-the-robots kinda movie. Battle-of-the-futuristic-humans must feature Prodigy. Hehehe.

Okay enough of music talk. In a gist, electropop can be cool. Pathfinders, you guys better experiment more on Fruityloops and send me some happiness, dammit.

shopping

The sun came out to play during the weekend. Sitting in the car, stuck in a traffic jam going to the mall, looking up at fat clouds lazily strolling across blue skies, Muse on the player, air-cond blowing into my face... it felt just like home!

Anyway, the Ogress went to the mall for some shopping. Yes you read it right. The words "Jess" and "shopping" co-existed harmoniously in the same sentence. But I shouldn't do it too often. One can go out of her mind during Summer Sale. Everything is so cheap, dammit! (I've tuned my brains to not convert every single item into RM. Must. Think. Dollar. To. Dollar. Pound. To. Pound.)

On second thought: Aragon, you best not come London-lah. I retract my invitation to keep your sanity in good health.

Thank goodness I had only 10pounds in my wallet. Never in my previous KL life could I imagine paying RM7 for a pair of La Senza knickers. They're like the Tag Heuer of undies, non? It took all the willpower I had to not saunter over to the bra section and its evil, flashing 70% OFF EVERYTHING! sign. I want to upgrade from Triumph and Wacoal, dammit!

And what is the Jess without her happy-panties? Now I don't have to beg and grovel to friends to buy happy-panties from Target and mail them to me anymore. Finally. I have enough panties in my collection to not do laundry for one and a half week! Yay!

It's been very, very long since I'm a size-S, too. I love the UK!

decadence

Decadence (n) : unrestrained or excessive self-indulgence.

When ice-cream costs less than any McDonald's McSavers meal, it's not excessive. It's simply, the smarter choice. (no no I've cancelled my Digi number)

meaning of gifts

When a man buys you a French press (fine, it's called cafetière here) when you moan about not being able to have good coffee like back home (Boo I miss our coffee-lah!), it could mean a lot of things. Maybe he likes your company, and by getting a French press you could have more coffee chatting sessions. Or, he's just getting it for you because he happened to see one when he's out buying stuff, and he's not calculative enough (or too shy) to ask for money back.

When a man hears about how your aunt in New York says Krispy Kremes are good and a must-try in London, and he surprises you with not one, but a dozen of different flavours, I think he must like you a little bit to remember details like this, and actually make the effort to spring a pleasant surprise at you. Ok fine, 3 donuts were eaten prior to taking of picture. Cannot abstain.

But when a man dashes out to get you a plunger for your clogged-up shower 10 minutes before the shops close just so you can shower without fear of flooding the house...

I wanted to say "I can feel the luuuuurve" but it's a rather sensitive word this side of the universe, so I shall play safe and say "he must really like you a lot".

out of the blue

Shit on a schtick I've been so lazy. Someone give me a good hard kick on the butt! The past few days were a blur, went to an interview, then moped around refusing to send out more CVs, forcing self to be convinced that the job is mine, then got a call from interviewer-guy who apologetically told me no because they don't want to go through the hassle of converting my visa into a proper work-permit in a year's time, then moped around even more berating self for moping around.

So anyway it's another Sunday. Already.

Last Sunday I went to Out Of The Blue at the O2/Millennium Dome, Greenwich. It was more fun than Mirage (no I'm not saying this because there's food and coffee and dessert involved at the O2)!

Colourful slinky-costumed women posed and offered to be posed with at the entrance. They stuck around for 15-20 minutes then left. Actually, that's the pattern of the performances. Between intervals of 30 minutes or so, some other performers would come out and pose and be posed with. Quite refreshing.

These silver jurassic birds with weird honking noises coming out of loudspeakers placed on their asses (ok ok, back of their thighs) and Marilyn Manson were my favourite.

Lunch! Mmmm! Damn I miss my Sakae Sushi's kakiage and Sagano's beef teppanyaki. But sushi here in London ain't half bad. (in retrospect, I guess that's exactly what real Japanese people would say when eating sushi in Malaysia maybe, hehe)

Giant seafood inflatables! Good thing they cordon off the Lobster Opening Oyster To Release Pearl show area. Rambunctious kids bouncing on the open oyster would further confuse the lobster, who's slow and retarded-looking (grab the damn pearl already! why release it when you don't want to grab it? i cannot live not understanding the logic!)...

Luckily my brains were saved from further messing by a good steaming cup of latte and chocolate marshmallow brownie (wah so sweet my teeth can fall off). I thought Baskin's Rocky Road isn't so sweet. Hmmm.

Next stop: London Bridge and the obligatory photo evidence. Nevermind it's raining cats and dogs and I was freezing cold. I actually had an umbrella in my bag but didn't want to use it because I didn't know where to keep a wet umbrella when I'm done using it. Yes, you may beat my head with it.

At times like these it's probably apt to play London Bridge Is Falling Down at half the normal tempo with er-hu accompaniment. Only the falling down would be done by the Ogress not the bridge. See how grey everything is? Welcome to the everyday London.

Next stop: Camden. The market's closed, the lock's deserted, the shops on the main street are mostly closed. Unbelievable right, at 8pm or so on a Sunday. Supermarkets close at 4 or 5pm on Sundays, even. Culture clash kao-kao. No syok at all.

Did manage to take quite a nice picture at Camden Lock though. Nevermind it's got no lock-action. (and no, it's Lock not Loch) Nevermind there're many people whispering and whistling to sell you illegal stuff as you walk past. Had to make many detours walking back to the tube station!

Finally, wet and tired, dinner! Don't tell my current boss that I'm eating from a competitor! They make really good curry and beef kuey-teow (kuey-teow only available to Malaysians by request) though, albeit being a tad too pricey. And no, I don't eat naked. It's just the angle ok!